Forget the London shopping adventures or the best beaches Greece has to offer, because one of the worst things about the international travel ban is we can’t marvel at all the weird and wonderful things you can order from a foreign Macca’s.

Dosa Masala Burger, India

Boy oh boy, hope you have a large Coke on hand, because this thing looks as dry as a chip. Dosa – a thin fermented rice and lentil pancake with a spicy potato filling – is a staple of Indian cuisine, and here McDonald’s have attempted to honour it by slamming it in a bun. If they had been a little more generous with the chutney mayo we may have given it a second look, but at this stage it’s a no from us.

Oreo Affogato, South Korea

Honestly this is genius, and we should have it in our Macca’s stores ASAP. How did we not know about this? I am seriously considering starting a petition to have this brought to our shores. Or pouring an espresso shot into an Oreo McFlurry to recreate it as a hack. Look out for me on TikTok.

Bacon, macaroni and cheese toastie, Hong Kong

Yes. A thousand times, yes. If we could board a plane to Hong Kong right now we would. It’s carb-tacular.

Sausage and egg twisty pasta breakfast, Hong Kong

This is noodle soup with what appears to be McCain’s frozen vegetable mix, topped with a sausage patty and an egg. How do you eat it? Why do you eat it? If there is a god, how did this come to have a place on Earth? So many big questions.

Gratin Croquette Burger, Japan

Oooooh boy. When this was originally touted as a “creamy and crispy delight” we were intrigued. But what you are looking at there is a fried crab and macaroni croquette between two steamed buns with iceberg and melted cheese and some brown stuff.

Poutine, Canada

Canada’s much-loved dish of hot chips slathered with cheese curds and gravy has been given the McDonald’s treatment. Once we get past the term “cheese curds,” we may be able to come at this.

Mashed potato beef burger, China

That’s a beef patty topped with bacon and mashed potatoes. The burger was part of McDonald’s “Beef 2012 Manly Campaign in China”. This burger was created to appeal to men by being billed as a “manly” option … how there are any men in China left who haven’t died from coronary disease remains a mystery.

Baci Perugina McFlurry, Italy

You know those Baci chocolates, the ones favoured by grandparents and very young boys trying to woo a girl? In Italy they have made a McFlurry out of them, and that’s not the worst idea.

Local deluxe Breakfast Platter, Hawaii

The absolute last word that springs to mind when looking at this breakfast situation is “deluxe”. Perhaps if we’d been in prison for 20 years … but even then, it ain’t deluxe. Those pillars of limp meat to the left are Spam, just in case you were wondering.

Bacon roll, United Kingdom

The Brits aren’t known for their culinary flair. This offering just cements that perception.

Pizza McPuff, India

The name is cute, but we all know you have a 98 per cent chance of burning your mouth on that filling, and frankly, that filling doesn’t look worth the oral scalding.

Sweety con Nutella, Italy

This is basically a Macca’s brioche bun filled with Nutella. A riff off a pain au chocolat, if you will. We’ll take two, to have with a coffee.

McToast Chocolate, Germany

This looks like something constructed late at night in a uni sharehouse when times are tight. Germany needs to get Macca’s Italy to send over some Sweety con Nutellas and admit defeat.

Apricot Sundae with Chicken Nuggets, Turkey

This is a really upsetting scene. The soft serve ice cream with apricot topping? Sure. You can come near our face. But McDonald’s Arabia wrote on its Facebook page: “You probably tried dipping Chicken McNuggets in garlic mayo sauce already, but have you tried our new Apricot Sundae yet?” They are actually suggesting you put chicken nuggets in that apricot sundae. Consider yourself blocked, McDonald’s Arabia.

Chicken McDo with McSpaghetti, Philippines

Fried chicken and spaghetti bolognese, together at last. Chicken McDo? More like Chicken McDon’t.

Shaka Shaka Chicken, Japan

It’s like shaker fries, but with a big ol’ deep fried chicken fillet. Would absolutely get on board. Will be requiring a fistful of dipping sauces though, thank you.

Cordon Bleu Burger, Poland

So. Much. Meat. There’s bacon. There’s a beef patty. There’s a fried chicken fillet. There’s an invitation to your own funeral.

McKroket, Netherlands

Strap in, because things are about to get very real. This doesn’t look too outrageous at first glance – a croquette with mustard sauce in a burger. But that croquette contains beef stew. Told you it was gnarly.

Shrimp beef burger, Korea

There’s no way of dressing this up – it’s a poor man’s surf and turf.

The McToast, Italy

If you have a child who won’t eat anything green and will only eat beige foods (spaghetti, cheese, potatoes, etc) then the stunningly named McToast will no doubt delight them. How the marketing team managed to wash all traces of colour out of this promo photo is a feat in itself. The website spruiks this ham-and-cheese sandwich as ‘the first (and only) round toast’, pointing out that because it’s round, it doesn’t have pesky crusts. It really is the toddler’s delight.

Cheesy Eggdesal, Philippines

Another one for the people who dig on pale foods. That’s a cheese omelette in a bun right there. Could be good if you have had food poisoning for a week and can only keep down really bland food.

Ebi Burger, Hong Kong

The fillet o’ fish is considered a bit of an edgy choice in Australia. But in Hong Kong, they love the heck out of their fish burgers. That burger on the left contains a shrimp patty, and the one on the right has a breaded fish fillet and pineapple. No no no no no no.

McCurry Pan, India

That is curried vegetables baked in a cream sauce inside a crispy ‘pan’ constructed from bread. Honestly would have loved to have been at the McDonald’s boardroom table when somebody pitched this.

Bulgogi Burger, South Korea

This is a pork patty covered in sticky bulgogi sauce, that looks unsettlingly similar to the tar they use to mend roads with. Hard pass from us.

Mango McFlurry, Malaysia

We were *very* on board the Mango McFlurry train (soft serve and mango, what’s not to like), until we took a closer look and saw they had thrown crumbled up Oreos in there too. Why.

Thai Green Curry Chicken Burger, Malaysia

We’re listening, Malaysia. Here crispy chicken is topped with a green curry sauce and vegetable slaw. Like a stopped clock that is right twice a day, Macca’s occasionally gets it right.

Der Nurnburger, Germany

Just saying the name brings us joy, so that’s a strong start. It’s three hefty Bratwurst sausages served on a bun with mustard and onions. We cannot say anything against this, because it’s a close relative of that classic Aussie weekend treat, a Bunnings sausage sandwich.

McFloat, Hong Kong

Here in Australia we’d probably call it a Coke spider, but whatever its name, it’s an idea that has merit. Would give it a spin. Though it’s a strong contender to be thrown up by children in the playground.

Corn pie, Thailand

This is kind of fine … until you discover it’s sweet and is passed off as a dessert. It brings back painful memories of when your mum tried to trick you into eating vegetables as a kid. Also, what the hell is that on the plate in the background?